procrastination

Today I should have done the laundry, packed a few boxes, and bleached out the growing collection of used floral containers that are taking over my tiny bit of kitchen countertop.

Instead we watched Here Comes Peter Cottontail, built a fort out of moving boxes, and re-enacted Caps for Sale.



And yes, Sir O's shirt is filthy and covered in stickers.  And no, he's not wearing pants.  He wet his pants twice today, and now he's out of pants, and like I implied before,  the laundry did not happen today.

I don't need to feel bad about that, do I?

My Grandpa got his fini flight

It was nice to be able to watch this from across the country.
(How many people do you know who get to do this in their 80's?)

And another thing...

So now I can tell you about the part where my 10 year High School Reunion is coming up.

And I'll be 5+ months pregnant.

Not exactly ideal (but could be worse).

On top of which, it looks like a lot of the people I'd have most liked to see will not be attending.
(For why? Well if you're one of them you tell me. High School was traumatic for all of us, but I still want to see you.)

So what do you shoot for when you want to look your best at 5 months round?

Something like this? (via sensibly styled)

There are not many maternity sitings on street-style-blogs I'm finding......

Hey, I'm allowed to be shallow sometimes!

Proclamations - Jeff

This post comes from my college friend Jeff.  He is, perhaps, one of the happiest people I've ever known.  He finds joy in everything from wall-e sheets to salt.  He is very democratic with his writing, and treats all letters equally, with no capitals.  He remembers to enjoy everyone he spends time with, even himself.   He seems to have the gift of being perpetually aware of the state of life being a gift, and awesome.  He's also a talented cinematographer/camera assistant/film loader... meaning that whatever job he is working on, he's constantly looking for ways to do it just a little better.  Reminds me of the counsel of a certain prophet.

If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com



We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

"calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."  it certainly sounds like a doomsday prediction of fire from heaven, doesn't it?  and while i'm not ruling it out, it's not what i'd look for.  the gospel of Jesus Christ is about families and individuals.  we are saved as families and individuals, and we can fall apart the same way.

what will bring about these calamities?  "the disintegration of the family."  a few years ago, i watched a movie called "thirteen" on tv late one night.  i'd read about it in my cinematography magazines and the story sounded interesting: following two thirteen-year old girls through that difficult year in their life.  the main character befriends a girl who pulls her into the rougher areas of life, smoking, drinking, shoplifting, piercings, sex, and all that stems from such.

the movie was hard to watch but it was interesting because i recognized "those" girls from my own high school and junior high; the girls who knew how to dress sexy without understanding entirely what they were getting into.  or maybe life had shoved them around enough that they had to face the heavier matters of maturity when they deserved to still just be kids.  

what caused me to think was that i came from a good home and that i mostly assumed everyone else did, too.  my family wasn't perfect, but my father wasn't absent and my mom wasn't alcoholic.  mom was always willing to help with my homework, dad was always at my school plays.  we usually ate dinner together and i felt safe at home, even when my parents did bug the heck out of me.  it wasn't until that movie that i started to wonder about the kids who didn't have their homework done, who dressed like their parents didn't care what they wore; what was their home like?

now, i am not saying that strong and successful people cannot come from "broken homes."  i know several people who prove that wrong.  but things are getting rough out there in the big world, and it's not because of attacks from a foreign entity, but because things are weakening from the inside out.

the paragraph lists three things that are causing this social dry rot: violations of chastity, abuse of spouse or children, and failure to fulfill familial responsibilities.  i know of nothing that would shatter the safety felt at home, the love and trust in a parent, faster and more completely than beating or abusing someone in one's own family, physically, sexually, or emotionally.  

the familial responsibilities are mentioned earlier in the proclamation and include total fidelity between parents, love and teaching of children by both parents, protection and providing by fathers, and care and nurturing from mothers.  hopefully these seem like givens, things that of course we should be doing and be expected to do.
 

again, consider how the peace of home is shaken when a father is unfaithful to his wife, when mom shows no interest in a child's accomplishments or struggles at school, or when the base necessities like food, clothing, and shelter are not provided by a parent.  procuring such needs does take work and effort and sacrifice, it is true, but the groundwork of a loving home is not in an extravagant house or european vacation.  rather, it is in doing these simple (small, but maybe not so small) things.  

finally, chastity.  driving some directors through salt lake during the sundance film festival earlier this year, i overheard them smirking at a billboard advertising help for pornography addiction.  their comments were that it was silly to consider it a problem.  is there any wife who is not honestly hurt by her husband's participation in such lasciviousness?  further, are there any but a few relatively small groups who advocate sexual abstinence before marriage?  in the family sitcoms that i grew up watching, the parents started talking to their kids about sex as something that was not necessarily to be reserved for marriage, but should be with someone who's "very special".  i cannot think of any movie or tv show in which a couple reserves such intimacy for marriage.  or, if there is such a character, their friends work to show them that they're making too big of a deal of it, and by the end, they have slept with their crush and seem to feel much better.

is it really that big of a deal?  i will never forget the night when a friend called me after he and his girlfriend had broken up.  he was very hurt by it and i listened as he cried.  i was caught off guard, however, when in between sobs he said, "never do anything sexual; that's when i felt things start to go wrong between us."  

i've never heard that said in a movie, but that's because i suspect the writers, actors, or directors have never known anything to the contrary of the lifestyle they promote.  like starting to go to the gym or cutting sugar out of one's diet, sometimes you don't know how much better you can feel until you get to higher ground.

will following these admonitions make everything better?  well, no.  but it will be make a lot of things better and make us, as individuals, stronger to confront the remainder of our problems. government legislation and school lessons can be excellent supplements, but the foundation of our lives is in the home.  thankfully, the answers and direction are there for us.

Got Overwhelmedness?

(Originally written on Feb 2nd. Saved for today, my little sister's birthday. I thought she'd like this kind of present.)


Have you ever had the sensation of being utterly surprised by something not completely unexpected?
Yes, well.....



About halfway through January, Sir O started opening his prayers with "Thank you for our baby." I thought this was a little odd, as he normally mentions the Captain by name. A little seed was planted in my mind wondering, "is it possible?"

Mr Renn scheduled an appointment for me to finally be admitted as a patient at his school. (Sadly this dental student's wife hadn't been to the dentist in almost 3 1/2 years.) We made arrangements for a friend to watch the kids and planned for me to do a full admit at the school. Only thing was, the proof of un-pregnancy wasn't showing up. And x-rays and pregnancy do not mix. So the night before my appointment, I dutifully bought a pregnancy test (and have concluded it is entirely worth an extra $2 for a digital one). When I first got home and excused myself to get ready for bed and take the test I actually forgot what I was doing and well, forgot to take it. So I had to stay up until I needed to pee again.

Sometimes I am brilliant.
Come 11pm I was the only one awake, and I could finally patter down to the bathroom. After a couple of moments of having an hour glass pulsing on the monitor, I was surprised to find myself shocked at the unmistakable pronouncement, "Pregnant."

Suddenly, "What?!!?!"
The Captain is still such a baby. He's still not sleeping well. He's still so clingy!
I can't be sick! I have so much work to do to be ready for this move!(e.t.a. the pukey floodgates opened on Valentines day, and misery ensued - I'm sure nobody who sees me on a quasi-regular basis is the least bit surprised)
Sir O has been so difficult lately, how will I ever be a good parent to him if I don't have the energy to get off the couch?

Oh.The.Panic.


But you know what, it is pretty much impossible to be unhappy about the idea of a new baby for long. Before 2 seconds had passed I had an inexplicable smile on my face. It is nice to feel like your family is not complete, but that you could not possibly be doing anything more to get them all here any faster.

And in an entirely inexplicable way, I'd been feeling almost guilty about not being pregnant. (Even though this is sure to evoke lots of "was it planned to have them this close together?" comments.) I felt like I was supposed to be. But I passed it off and attributed it to the fact that almost half of the people I know are currently expecting.


This is definitely throwing us for a loop. As I write this, I'm not sure how an October baby is going to affect our short and long term plans, and I don't know how we're going to work everything out. But I have an unquenchable peace burning in my bosom. A testament to tender mercies and a loving God. I have no tenacious fear, just a few wobbly wonder-worries. Once again, I don't know how I'm going to do what needs to be done, I expect a lot of things I thought "needed" to be done will simply not happen, but I know I will manage just the same. God has promised me that when I'm on His errand, and I do my best, He will make up for my failings.

So, here goes.......

socials gone awry

We dutifully headed out for our church Easter activity this morning, only to find that it was much much too cold outside for our liking. Others were better sports than us and braved the cold, but I'm sorry to say that we are wimpy and spent the majority of the time inside Mr Renn's truck. I have the legitimate excuse that the Captain is still coughing and needing nebulizer treatments, but in all honesty I just don't handle cold well. I get sore from shaking and ornery really fast, and my kids inherited this trait from me.

So, instead of socializing with our friends, I spent the morning cooped up in the cab of the truck with these crazies.

Mr Renn took Sir O out for a brief foray into Easter egg hunting, and again later for a brief foray into weed-whacking-service.  The Captain and I stayed firmly (and happily) lodged in our cramped quarters.

And we watched out the windows as Mr Renn made us all look bad by working hard. 

Conclusions: I am wussy, and the cab of a truck is much too small a space to spend 3 hours with your kids.  Now you know.

I have a song for you

Sir O has been very musical lately, but he's also, nine times out of ten, not cooperative when cameras are out.  I had a feeling that his showmanship was going to win out over his contrariness tonight, and we managed to get one song out of him before he started refusing to cooperate.  One of these days I have to get him belting out the new primary song.



It is always singing time at our house.  And I love it.

Proclamations - Martha

This post comes from my friend Martha. I've known her since 7th grade, before she was entirely aware of the numerous health issues that would come to define much of her life. She is an awe-inspiring pianist (with a Master's Degree), and is capable of following the special diet her health requires with a thorough exactness that humbles me. She is very happily expecting her first baby, a boy, after 9 years of marriage (A waiting period she did not expect, but has born beautifully).

If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com

Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

Equality in marriage has become to mean a great deal to me over the course of my marriage. I did not realize at the time I married my husband how truly blessed I was to marry someone who treats me with equanimity. The equality we share has been expressed through many forms during our 9 years of marriage. From the beginning of our relationship, my husband encouraged me in my schooling, to fulfill my goals and dreams, as I encouraged him. My pursuits were not second to his, but equal, and even sometimes encompassed his as he would help me whenever I stumbled or couldn’t keep up as I desired. He does not treat me as his servant or house-slave, but rather helps out around the house as much as he can, especially when I am having a bad day. Decisions that concern our family, our future, and even our own personal selves are made together. We rarely make a decision until we both agree, which sometimes can take a bit of time since both of our opinions are counted as important.

It is vital that a couple treat each other with respect and equality. Marriage is about balance and sharing in the joys of living. It takes work and sacrifice, especially when life throws a curve ball or two. The roles and duties of each spouse molds and changes over the course of time, and we need to adjust our lives and ideals accordingly. Most especially when our loved one becomes ill or pursues a lifelong dream. My husband and I have learned that open and frequent communication about our needs and wants, our abilities and limitations, and the changes that come into our lives is extremely valuable, creating feelings of love and support, and minimizing feelings of being overwhelmed, angered, or resentful.

Being from a large family and having many married friends, I have witnessed the tenderness that is created when equality in marriage is rendered. I have also seen the many facets of equality. What might be considered “equal” in one marriage may not work in another marriage. Who does the dishes, cooking, cleaning, money-earning, homework help, bath time, bed time routines, bills, etc. completely depends upon each couple and their own situation. Being “equal” doesn’t mean that if you tally a list of what each person does during a day or week the lists should match in length, but rather, that as a couple, each person’s needs, wants, abilities, and desires are taken into account in establishing routines of living.

(editor's note: if equality is considered "we divide the labor equally" it won't work. If equality is considered, "I value my spouse's needs and desires equal to, if not slightly exceeding, my own", then it is the kind of equality I can get behind.)

These routines need to be flexible, though. I am always touched by my husband’s kindness as he helps lighten my load when I’m having a hard day. He doesn’t complain when I’ve slackened in my roles, but rather he buoys me up, gives me encouragement, and helps out where he can.

Over the course of our marriage, illness has been our constant companion. My ideal role as a wife and mother has not even come close to reality. Throughout our journey, the support of extended family has been essential. I have learned there must be a balance in their support verses the support a spouse renders, but the help of loving family, and friends when family is not around, can ease the burden prolonged illnesses place upon a marriage. During these times of struggle, my husband and I have learned the importance of equality, love, and selflessness.

Proclamations - Marriage

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.


The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.

I'm not going to venture into the dangerous waters of discussing same-sex marriage and attraction in this series. I think I've created more than my fair share of controversy covering more benign topics. Although I do think that my post about Chastity applies to that issue.

I do, however, want to mention the eyebrow action I experienced over the multiple articles about faith + the decision to marry that I found in this magazine (April 2010 issue) in my mailbox today. It brought to mind this talk that was sited here. Apparently this is a very real issue. Young people today are hesitant to marry, even those who believe that marriage is part of God's plan for his children.

I think I was along the cusp of this phenomenon. In college I informed several earnest young men that I was focusing on school and not relationships when they expressed an interest in pursuing one with me. My 3rd year of college was littered with strong impressions that I needed to be preparing for marriage. (And with hardly a date in sight at the time, this occasionally seemed silly). But when I look back at my journal entries from that year it becomes clear that God was preparing me to be willing to let down my guard and allow someone to get close to me.

This is not the same as saying I think Mr Renn and I are made for each other. I think very very few people experience ecliptic, soul-mate-matching, star-aligning marriages. I don't feel the least bit short-changed though; I think most people have to consciously choose to marry their mate and then consciously choose to make it work. And that such a relationship can be every bit as fulfilling as any lightning-bolt romance. (Granted, this is only possible if both parties involved are somewhat invested in making it work). Marriage, like any other important and lasting relationship, requires work. It requires humility. It requires doing far more than is "fair" most of the time. It requires gratitude. It facilitates tremendous purification of soul. It brings to the surface most of a person's demons of selfishness and self-absorption and forces them to be dealt with. There are more opportunities to ask for and extend forgiveness in a marriage relationship than in any other on earth.

I hope that this doesn't sound like a fairy-tale, because it isn't. But I hope it sounds incredibly enriching and rewarding, because it is. The potential for growth within a marriage is almost limitless, when both people are committed to the marriage and to aligning their lives with God's will for them. When Mr Renn and I are able to eek out time for deep conversations we almost always come away more appreciative of one another, more committed to doing what we can to increase our contributions to our marriage and our family, and with clear impressions of what God is trying to teach us through whatever trial or experience we are going through. Going through it together and having one another to discuss our experience with makes for great synergy in surviving life's turbulence.

I have expressed several times that I feel the reason that marriage and parenthood are part of God's plan for all his children is because these experiences help us grow and refine us in ways that nothing else can. Clearly some don't have the opportunity to experience these things in this life, but if they have the desire they are promised ample opportunity for it afterward.

If there is a need in the world today for testimonies of the blessing and reality of marriage, then I'd not hesitate to let mine out for all to see. It is hard, it is worth it. This I know.

Tender Mercies: Sir Wonderful

Amidst lots of craziness around these parts of late, Sir O has really stepped up to the plate. He's started surprising me with his empathy, thoughtfulness, and capacity for self-containment. He's still thoroughly a preschooler and a boy, and that's just as it should be, but I'm getting glimpses at the person he can become, and it makes me swell up inside with pride. (good pride)



He's taken to coloring with fervor, tucking his stuffed animals in at night, and taking a keen interest in keeping his brother pacified.



He's been making me feel like my job is do-able, and that there are short-term rewards for me while I'm in the trenches. They're just moments, but they're wonderful!

unruffled

There are yet more germs afoot in our house. The Captain started coughing a week ago and it's slowly snowballed into an ear infection for Sir O. In the past 45 days our family has all been healthy for 8 days total.
On the one hand, we are tired; boy howdy are we tired! The sleep deprivation that comes with sick kids is not good for my marriage. Mr Renn and I are about a million times more likely to snap at each other after a night pocked with interruptions.
On the other hand, I'm getting enough practice at this thing, that I'm reaching that point where I don't get upset and feel like life is unfair over every miserable day or poor night's sleep anymore. This morning, after spending 45 minutes on the phone trying to get through to the pediatrician's office, I needed to hurry and get us all ready (HA!) in order to get to our appointment. Only there was no running water, naturally. The brutal timing of this would have really gotten under my skin a few years (maybe even months) ago, but today I was unruffled. I was flexible. I made it work.



I managed to dress and groom my boys even though they both behaved as if I was trying to stick them with a hot poker, and it didn't phase me. I drove through poorly organized construction traffic both to and from the doctor's office and it didn't even occur to me to get upset about it. I calmed Sir O down even though he was terrified of the doctor (who was not his regular doctor), and I held the Captain (pinned him, actually) for a wretched 5-8 minutes for his first nebulizer treatment, then I calmly took Sir O to the bathroom and dealt with the fact that he had started to pee his pants. I maneuvered the double-wide stroller through multiple doors with embarrassing difficulty, and drove to the pharmacy to deal with inevitable prescription/insurance complications. I did it all without even once feeling like it wasn't fair, or shouldn't be happening to me, or was too hard, or was hard at all, really.



CLEARLY I am making some progress!

So, if I've learned my lesson now, can we PLEASE all be healthy?

Proclamations - Benjamin

This post comes from my friend Benjamin. We've been friends since my freshman year of college, when we went through the memorable process of applying for the Media-Arts major together. He pretty much rocks - being both thoughtful, smart, kind, and slow to judge. Benjamin and his wife live in Boulder, CO. He is a PhD student in Media Studies at the University of Colorado Boulder. They are newly-certified foster parents and bloggers.
(http://talkingthroughthecredits.blogspot.com/ and http://chronicillnesssurvival.blogspot.com/)


If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com


"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

I realize that Emily discussed this same paragraph in her recent post, but if our aim is to discuss how we make efforts to live the principles stated in the Proclamation, seeing our individual interpretations and applications of the same words should be helpful, right?

Okay. First, I am not a parent. I would like to be, and hopefully soon, my wife and I will have that opportunity. Because of a certain health issues, we haven't been able to start our family as we would have liked.

Considering our situation, one could argue that the Proclamation (and specifically this paragraph) has little/less applicability to our lives. I'm reminded of a Priesthood class in church years ago in which a bunch of single guys readily dismissed a lesson on parenthood because it seemingly had little relevance to their lives. But I would think that due to the Proclamation's explicitly-stated audience ('The World') and the truths it voices, these principles have absolute relevance to us--single, married, with children, or without.

I know that my wife and I are trying our best to learn and live these principles in preparation for parenthood. If we can learn to love and care for each other, our friends, and family; if we can establish careers and develop testimonies that will one day provide for physical and spiritual needs; if we can look for opportunities to teach and serve and obey--If we make those efforts now, hopefully we will be more worthy of and better prepared for the opportunity to be parents. And we've recognized that because of our unique situation, we've been given this opportunity to specifically focus on developing these attributes (though I'm definitely not claiming that we're already there).

I guess one take-away message that I'm finding in this paragraph is that our loving and caring for family is among the most important responsibilities that we have. And because it's so important, we should look for opportunities to apply the principles taught in the Proclamation--no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. This can be really difficult, because preparations for marriage and parenthood can sometimes be painful reminders to the single and the childless. But I'm learning to be thankful for the opportunity that trials such as this give me to reflect on my spiritual growth and look for ways that I can improve, so that hopefully I can one day be a better husband, father, and disciple of Christ.

Learning Curve

I'm happy to say that I no longer leave the house hoping to avert disaster. I now know that disaster is inevitable, and that I am choosing to go out in spite of it.
(This is sparing me a whole barrel of woe)

The weather was too kind and fleeting today to be missed, plus Sir O has watched about 3 lifetimes worth of movies in the last 2 weeks, so (despite the Captain being under the weather) we ventured a picnic.

I knew something would go awry, so I was actually pretty pleased when our biggest setback was the Captain being left in his carseat in the car for a Child-Protective-Services-warranting amount of time while I tried to get Sir O to help me clean up our food and drag his reluctant feet back to the car.

Oh, to be outdoors and feel the sun on my skin! (Even if it's March sun coming from a harsh angle) It makes me want to sing and skip and make a fool of myself!

Monkey see.....

The Captain is going through a phase where he needs to be doing whatever Sir O is doing at all times. Obviously this leads to a lot of frustration both for himself and for Sir O, but it's also adorable. Hence our Sunday evening art session - and art sessions like this usually end in the Captain falling off the chair and crying inconsolably.

Proclamations - Sarah

This post comes from my friend Sarah. She traveled to London with me back in 2002 (oh, so long ago!) and proved to have a sincere, pleasant, and constant character, a rare and precious combination. She's had many great adventures since, but has most recently embraced the adventures of motherhood, and appears to be doing it beautifully!

If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com


By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Finding Fulfillment in Motherhood:

I have been fortunate enough to live in six different countries and travel to many others during the course of my life. The experiences I have had in doing so have deeply impacted who I am, and the way I feel about the world. We are all children of our Heavenly Father, and despite our differences, we have so much in common. Knowing this, I have developed a sense of responsibility to those around me, whether in my own community, or in distant lands.

In my single days, I tried to fulfill this responsibility by taking advantage of service opportunities in various parts of the world. I was a full time missionary in Spain, and taught employment workshops to the un- and under-employed in Mexico and Costa Rica. I participated in outreach programs to schools in Texas, and again, traveled to Mexico to help young people there gain an appreciation for their own rich literary heritage. These activities fulfilled me. I thrived on my travels and service.


I have learned lessons since then that are, perhaps, more poignant due to how quickly my life changed. In January of 2008 I started dating the love of my life. Five short months later, after graduating with bachelors degrees, we were married. A year after that, our gorgeous baby girl was born. In less than 18 months, I went from being a single, jet set college student to being a stay at home mother and wife. This whirlwind romance and start of a family is nothing to complain about. It is really what I always dreamed of. But it was a lot of change in a little amount of time.

An important lesson came during the time between marriage and baby, when I spent my days teaching high school Spanish. In many ways, that filled the place of my travels and service-learning programs. My students needed guidance, and I was someone who could give it to them. Some lacked perspective, and I would like to think that my classroom was a much needed daily dose of it for them. As my belly grew, students began to ask questions. “Will you be back next year?” was among the most common. When the answer came back “Well, no.” one of my brightest students looked appalled. “Why would you do that? Why would you go to college, and get a job in your field, and then just quit!?” she asked.

In my heart, I knew how I wanted to answer, but I am afraid that in that moment, the answer didn’t come out quite right. So for the next several weeks, I really thought about it. Why would I do that?

It comes down to this:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (emphasis added)

The answer I finally gave my student?

You will have other Spanish teachers. My daughter will never have another mother. I’m the only one she’s got. This is important.


This I believe, and this I know.

But even so, sometimes, I have occasion to remind myself of these truths.

After the recent devastating earth quake in Haiti, I wanted to help. Writing checks is all well and good, but I wanted to go there and get my hands dirty. I wanted to care for the orphaned children, and cry with the widows, and be a source of hope in some way. And if it had happened two years earlier, I would have.

But things are different now.

I am a mother.

The prophets have called the nurturing of my daughter a sacred responsibility. Indeed, it is not only important, it is the most important thing I will ever do. And while the way I fulfill my responsibility to the world has changed, the importance and impact of what I do has not. In my own quiet way, day by day, I am changing the world by giving myself to my family. I am thankful for my own very capable mother who taught me this by example, and for modern prophets who articulate the principle so beautifully. If I do my job well, I can build people who will also change the world for good. Who will learn that they have a responsibility to those around them. Although I don’t get to travel to distant lands to do my work, what I have to do is more than enough. And that fulfills me.

I must share

So.....
The children in our church are learning a beautiful song this year.
Sir O sings it with gusto and even though he gets most of the words wrong, it makes my heart oh so happy.
Tonight at bedtime we were trying to help him with part of the chorus.... "My heart I give to Him..."
Which is a beautiful metaphorical thought, but Sir O is at a very literal age. He stopped the song short.
"NO, I can't give my heart away, I NEED it. I need it to be in my tummy and go badoom badoom."


What, in all the great wide world, were we supposed to say to that?

Paint

It has come time to pay the piper. When we first moved in 4 years seemed like a long time (and in many respects it is) - and so painting lots of walls in our home was worth it to me. It was also possible for me because Sir O was still largely immobile when most of the painting was done.



NOW we have to paint it back before we move, and Sir O is, to say the least, very mobile. I still think it was was worth it, but this is definitely not the fun part. (Unless you are Sir O).

Floral Art Nouveau

This is how I spent my morning.
It was lovely.
I came home and was told that Sir O
(who had dressed himself in the Captain's shirt)
had been accident-free all morning.
(He has been doing some major reversion of late)
5 minutes later he peed his pants.
Maybe I should leave my kids in others' capable hands more often.
Clearly I have an entropic effect on them.

Proclamations - Parental Obligations

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.



Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

What strikes me the most about the perfection of the family as God's method of teaching, perfecting, and bringing his people happiness, is that it is designed to work when manned with imperfect people.

Parents are inevitably people plagued with every sort of flaw and imperfection, but IF they are striving within the framework the Lord has established, to do these things as parents: to rear children in love and righteousness, to provide for physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens, then God can and does make up for all their shortcomings. (Which is not to say he takes away the agency of their children, but he makes the inevitably flawed offering the parents figuratively place on the altar enough).

To some extent, the talk of parental obligations makes it sound as if much is expected of parents, and they'd better deliver or else. What I'm finding to actually be the case is that parents learn and grow far more from striving to teach and live these ideals than children do from watching them. (And the children do learn so much!) The process of fulfilling these admonitions blesses the individuals who willingly take that obligation upon themselves. They get to experience being partners with the Lord in bringing up a righteous generation. They get to experience all of the synergy that comes with being on the Lord's errand. They are entitled to the assistance of angels. They get to intimately increase their understanding of our Heavenly Father's character by striving to parent as He parents us. They have an increase in the opportunity to commune with God in earnest over the well being of their children, and they learn to love after a holy, holy manner. They get to develop an eternal parental relationship with children in whom they invest everything they have to offer.

There is no other mortal experience that compares.

And parenting in this manner opens up our hearts for the greatest joy and the most overwhelming sorrow that life can provide. It increases our capacity to feel far beyond what our pre-parenting selves could comprehend. The cliche of "I didn't know I could love this much" transforms into life-altering epiphanies for parents all the time.

I struggled with the possibility for sorrow when I boarded the parenting train. At the time I was birthing boys I was also watching people I loved struggle with choices their adolescent boys were making. It was harrowing, and no matter how well I fulfill my parental duties, or how diligently I pray it remains a distinct possibility for the future of any parent. Part of opening up your heart to a child is the proverbial "watching your heart walk around outside of your body" wherein your heart could possibly be whisked away, and beaten badly.

I think, perhaps, more importantly than whether our increased capacity for emotional life brings us more happiness or pain in this life, is experiencing the actual increase. God in His infinite love, patience, and understanding will help us to shepherd our children to safety and happiness both in this life and the next. He loves them more than we do, and He is completely trustworthy, so our trust is safe with Him, as are our prayers.

I am increasingly aware of the reality that parenting and all the big and little parts of it are the Lord's errand. And He is ever ready to help us when we are diligently doing what we can do. He makes our best good enough. And if we are paying attention, we can witness the miracle of it becoming "good enough" quite regularly. A miraculous thing, parenting.

What also strikes me, as I read this statement, is the presence of scriptural examples of the result of parents who neglect these duties. It is one thing to personally reject the gospel and its principles, but so often those who do so proceed to not only fail to teach their children the gospel, but they teach them to despise it, and train animosity for it into them. (All of this is usually done to help someone justify themselves and prove they are right when they know they are wrong. People who truly know they are right rarely feel the need to prove anything.) Then there is a generation who has such a terrible disadvantage that it is rarely overcome. When children are raised this way they cannot be held accountable for what they did not know, so the sins that lay upon the heads of that generation that knew the gospel but rejected it pile up high and fast and hard as generations of their posterity languish in unbelief and unhappiness. They will be held accountable before God. It is a serious thing, and warrants such serious language in the proclamation.

There's been a phenomenon in my generation of interfaith marriages where both parties say that because they don't share a religion, they just won't teach their children to be religious. I find this sad and frightening. I believe my religion to be true with every fiber of my being, but I would much MUCH rather have them raised in another God-fearing and God-loving religion than to be raised with none at all.

Having gospel principles taught to them (in a gospel setting - taught both by word and by congruent example) does more to teach and encourage desirable behaviors in children than any other method of encouraging compassion and decency. Knowing what I know, I cannot personally fathom denying my children this blessing.

Proclamations - Cam

This post comes from my Uncle Cam. He is the oldest of 5 siblings who all experienced typhoons of childhoods and all turned out to be pretty wonderful people. He has a great sense of humor and a kind heart.

If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com



"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

I have always loved these two sentences from "The Family- A Proclamation to the World". It reminds us what the Prophet Joseph Smith taught, "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God" (HC 5:134­35)" We are not promised that even those who may always strive to make good choices will always be happy; for, as the Book of Mormon patriarch and prophet Lehi taught, there must needs be opposition in all things. Lehi and his son Nephi also taught us about the Tree of Life at the end of the strait and narrow path "whose fruit was desirable to make one happy". Even though we should strive to find joy in our journey throughout life, our ultimate goal and reward is the enduring happiness that comes with partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Life, which is the love of God, and living with him in the eternities.

As was already mentioned in a previous blog posting in this series, the family is the perfect laboratory in which to practice unto perfection the teachings and principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ which can empower families to be eternal. In my experience, in the absence of any additional training or eduction, new mothers and fathers tend to parent their children like they were raised, for good or for not so good. Therefore it is important for each new family unit, each wife and husband, each new father and mother to consciously assess their own upbringing, decide which parenting practices from their family of origin they wish to consider using in their new family and then to mutually discuss as husband and wife the goals of the family and the planned methods to achieve those goals.


As children get older, they arrive at an age when it is desirable and even necessary for them to figuratively experiment with temporarily leaving the safety of the home nest that has been painstakingly created by the parents to venture into the world under the power of their own set of wings on increasingly lengthy voyages. Hopefully by this stage of development, parents have begun to transition to a less controlling parenting style and into a role of advisor and consultant. The teachings of the Lord on the righteous exercise of power and influence, as revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith and documented in D&C 121:39-46 apply not only to Priesthood leaders, but to parents as well.

39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.

................

As other 'Proclamation on the Family' series blog posters have already stated, one of the remarkable things which testifies to the truthfulness and validity of "The Family- A Proclamation to the World" is that in the intervening years since it was introduced in September 1995, we have been eye witnesses to the fulfilling of many, if not all, of the warnings contained there in. What seemed at the time like a nice-to-have, but not totally necessary, reminder of what seemed like common sense teachings has proven to be prophetic in foretelling the very serious assaults on the family we see today, less than 15 years later.

I think its also important to recall that the proclamation was first publicly shared during then President Hinckley's remarks entitled "Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World" delivered during the world wide General Relief Society meeting on September 23, 1995. That means that the sisters of the Church were the first to hear this divinely inspired document. I think it is worth reminding ourselves of the words spoken by President Hinckley both before and after the initial public sharing of the proclamation.

His entire talk can be read here.

Immediately before reading The Proclamation on the Family, President Hinckley said the following:

"I have touched lightly on some of the serious problems which confront many of you sisters.

With so much of sophistry that is passed off as truth, with so much of deception concerning standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn (emphasis added). In furtherance of this we of the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles now issue a proclamation to the Church and to the world as a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family which the prophets, seers, and revelators of this church have repeatedly stated throughout its history. I now take the opportunity of reading to you this proclamation:"

Following the reading of the proclamation, President Hinckley concluded with this final counsel:

"We commend to all a careful, thoughtful, and prayerful reading of this proclamation. The strength of any nation is rooted within the walls of its homes. We urge our people everywhere to strengthen their families in conformity with these time-honored values.

May the Lord bless you, my beloved sisters. You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God. May you be strengthened for the challenges of the day. May you be endowed with wisdom beyond your own in dealing with the problems you constantly face. May your prayers and your pleadings be answered with blessings upon your heads and upon the heads of your loved ones. We leave with you our love and our blessing, that your lives may be filled with peace and gladness. It can be so. Many of you can testify that it has been so. The Lord bless you now and through the years to come, I humbly pray in the name of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, amen."

Happiness is:

Sometimes I think I gave birth to one of the seven dwarfs. This would have to be Happy (Unless one of the dwarfs was named "never sleeps") Since my boys cannot seem to nap at the same time anymore (*sigh*) this is how we spend Sir O's nap:

Proclamations - Chastity

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.



We ... declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.

I knew this would have to be addressed if I were to be thorough, and I was dreading it a bit. It has become so politically incorrect to tell people to exercise self-control of any form, but this form especially.

Luckily my friend Neil gave the perfect talk in church recently and was able to direct me to this article by Jeffrey R. Holland that boldly states exactly what I feel.

(and I quote, copiously)

"One of the “plain and precious” truths restored in this dispensation is that “the spirit and the body are the soul of man” (D&C 88:15) and that when the spirit and body are separated, men and women “cannot receive a fullness of joy” (D&C 93:34). That is why obtaining a body is so important in the first place, why sin of any kind is such a serious matter (namely because it is sin that ultimately brings both physical and spiritual death), and why the resurrection of the body is so central to the great triumph of Christ’s Atonement.

The body is an essential part of the soul. This distinctive and very important Latter-day Saint doctrine underscores why sexual sin is so serious. We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life, “the very key” to life, as President Boyd K. Packer once called it. In exploiting the body of another—which means exploiting his or her soul—one desecrates the Atonement of Christ, which saved that soul and which makes possible the gift of eternal life. And when one mocks the Son of Righteousness, one steps into a realm of heat hotter and holier than the noonday sun. You cannot do so and not be burned.

Please, never say: “Who does it hurt? Why not a little freedom? I can transgress now and repent later.” Please don’t be so foolish and so cruel. Why? Well, for one reason because of the incalculable suffering in both body and spirit endured by the Savior of the world so that we could flee (see D&C 19:15–20). We owe Him something for that. Indeed, we owe Him everything for that. In sexual transgression the soul is at stake—the body and the spirit.

.....

From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything.

This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey its eternal promise. But such a total union between a man and a woman can only come with the permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams.

Can you see the moral schizophrenia that comes from pretending you are one, pretending you have made solemn promises before God, sharing the physical symbols and the physical intimacy of your counterfeit union but then fleeing all other aspects of what was meant to be a total obligation?

In matters of human intimacy, you must wait! You must wait until you can give everything, and you cannot give everything until you are legally and lawfully married. If you persist in pursuing physical satisfaction without the sanction of heaven, you run the terrible risk of such spiritual, psychic damage that you may undermine both your longing for physical intimacy and your ability to give wholehearted devotion to a later, truer love. You may discover to your horror that what you should have saved you have spent, and that only God’s grace can recover the virtue you so casually gave away.

.........

One aspect of that divinity given to men and women is the use of His power to create a human body, that wonder of all wonders, a genetically and spiritually unique being never before seen in the history of the world and never to be duplicated again in all the ages of eternity. A child, your child—with eyes and ears and fingers and toes and a future of unspeakable grandeur.

Of all the titles God has chosen for Himself, Father is the one He favors most, and creation is His watchword—especially human creation, creation in His image. You and I have been given something of that godliness, but under the most serious and sacred of restrictions. The only control placed on us is self-control—self-control born of respect for the divine power this gift represents.

I apologize if the boldness startles of offends, but as I read this, I can feel the almost parental love and concern behind it, can you? I am in the unfortunate position of being able to personally testify not only of the blessings and very realistic possibility of obeying these commandments, but of the reality that one cannot choose to disobey them without rendering very real damage to their soul. (and that's all I'm going to say about that).

But with my convictions thus set, I have to refuse to accept philosophies or influences that would teach my children that following their every sexual whim to it's end is an acceptable way to live. There are consequences to every sexual act, and the consequences of extramarital sexual acts are never good. So much energy is spent in the world today trying to ignore, explain away, or refute those consequences, but they persist in existing as a law of the universe.

I cannot change choices made in the past, but I can teach and implore with diligence that my children can know that I knew how important this is.

Treasure Hunt

I am never, ever above copying a good idea.
My old neighbor Lindsay posted about treasure hunting a while ago, and I finally got around to implementing it. As I suspected, it was a big hit.

And Sir O without pants.... well let's just say he struggled today.

Proclamations - Multiply

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.




The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.

Here we have an idea quite profoundly rejected by modern society. But the longer I've lived (and I hope to have quite a ways to go yet) the more keenly I've come to feel, and to know, that this is a true principle.

Even within the church, living in a time of relative prosperity, families are getting smaller. Because technology and medicine have introduced options that imply choice and control, people are choosing to have fewer children. I completely understand that living with the "control" that is currently available, the number of children people choose to have is a highly sensitive and personal matter. However, I would implore (from the rooftops) that people be taking this choice to the Lord with complete faith that what He asks us to do, He will enable us to do. If the factors limiting your family size are anything other than a firm conviction that God wants it thus, then you may be denying yourself the most dazzling blessings your life could bestow. (And some of the most refining trials, to be sure).

The reason I feel I can say this is: I was on birth-control the first year and half of my marriage. I never really gave much thought or prayer to this choice. It was simply "what was done". I had my pre-marriage visit, got my prescription, done.done.done. Then we had to decide when we were ready to get off of it. And that is a hard choice to make. You find yourself forced to deal with demons and your fears of financial strain, insurance issues, and convenience. (There is never a convenient time to start having children - it does not exist).

During this time I was occasionally confronted with the reality of friends and family who married right before or shortly after us and didn't choose this course. They jumped into starting their family joyously from the beginning, with something that I came to realize was a tremendous amount of faith. It always made me feel guilty, which seemed silly and I always tried to shake it. But I realized that the only reason I was not following the same course was a lack of faith.

As I've dealt with the unavoidable struggles of raising Sir O (a lovely strong-willed child), I've frequently had the thought that he was just not designed to be an oldest child. And inevitably I've been struck with the impression, "He didn't have to be the oldest child, someone else could have come before him."
This is what I like to call getting reamed by the spirit.

While we were hemming and hawing over getting off birth-control and jumping into the wilderness of "trying", Mr Renn and I visited the Temple, where I had the distinct impression that there were children chomping at the bit to join our family. We would be good parents (relatively), we would try to teach them the gospel, and there were so many difficult families and broken homes that children had to be born to, why in the world wasn't I facilitating these children who could be mine instead?! (That is what I like to call being strongly prodded by the spirit) And so we started......

Mr Renn and I have prayed and pondered and discussed and come to the conclusion that we will welcome as many children as God sees fit to send us. Handing over all the "control" to Him has been a tremendous relief, and feels so right for us. I will always have a spot of regret for the child I unknowingly refused, but I've promised myself that I will learn when I am taught. And so we move forward with faith....

(I do not in the least mean to imply that what is right for us is right for everyone, other than the part where we consistently take this issue before the Lord - that part I universally endorse.)

Captain Cute

The Captain, with his newly acquired ability to walk everywhere, is going through a phase where he is 90% of the time so cute and happy that it overwhelms me. I'm sure that a small part of it is the fact that I'm his mother and I'm hormonally wired to feel this way, but seriously? Here are his couch potato toe-touches, which made me want to eat him up.

Proclamations - Divine Nature

You're invited to join me in examining and deepening your convictions about the Family this month.


All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.


Two things -


Latter-Day Saints have, I suppose, a unique perspective on divine nature. We believe that as children of God, we have the potential to become like Him. Yes, we believe we are gods in embryo. We believe you are too. Wild stuff. Consider this:

It may be possible for each of us to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbour. The load, or weight, or burden, of my neighbour's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare.

C.S. Lewis - The Weight of Glory

With this audacious belief (that I happen to believe in with all my heart) we are also left to believe that families are the perfect workshop for helping us develop toward becoming Heavenly Parents in the likeness of our Heavenly Father. This is, perhaps, what we mean by destiny.

Also - any statement on gender is bound to get hate-mail in this day and age. I hope to tactfully state some of my beliefs in the course of this series. I can only state what I know based on my own experiences, and I am more than happy to admit there are significant limitations to my experiences. I hope I do not claim to know things that I do not actually know; I certainly intend to be careful in this way. But what I do know, based on my own experiences, is that the culture of feminism has done me (personally) no favors. As a woman I have distinct characteristics and strengths, and in the name of valuing the woman, feminism (though well-meaning) largely missed the mark by continuing to devalue her strengths and the significance of the contributions women are uniquely equipped to make to society. Feminism with it's determination that women can do everything men can do, and do it better, has emasculated men and stripped women of their femininity. Even worse, it put them at perpetual odds with one another. When we become mothers to future men and women, it becomes difficult to thank feminism for this contribution and the cruel and unnecessary pressure it will put on our children.

But enough about feminism. {And I'm not equipped to safely say much regarding the characteristics of men} Women are by-and-large given the gift and ability to be emotionally perceptive, to be patient, to anticipate needs, and to generally be a soft place for weary souls to land. Not coincidentally, these traits make one ideally suited for motherhood. These are not the traits the world is valuing in women today. The world wants us to be "strong" in a sense that means tough, ambitious, competitive, and even merciless. I think there is a more desirable, refined strength in being kind, refined, and good.

Mormon women have been admonished:

"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. "
~Margaret D. Nadauld~

Proclamations - HSF

This post comes from my friend HSF. She is one of those fabulous people that make me ecstatically happy I started blogging. She's gone from virtual to real-life friend and been a tremendous source of support and inspiration for me in this young-mothering adventure.

If you're interested in contributing my this series about the Family, please email me at readyformycloseupmrdemille@gmail.com


"In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

Before this mortal life we lived with our Heavenly Parents and wanted to become like them. One of the fundamental differences between us and them was they had a body while we, being only spirits, did not. Heavenly Father shared a plan with us that would enable us to become like him. Through His plan we could gain knowledge as well as a physical body. If we did our best to follow Him and were willing to repent when we made poor choices we'd be able to live with Him and others we love again someday.

We all chose to follow his plan. How do I know this? Because we're all here on Earth. Had we chosen not to follow His plan we wouldn't be here. Even in heaven we were given agency. Now, in this life, we have been given a body. Our physical bodies are beautiful and divinely created. They were patterned after those of our Heavenly Parents and as such should be considered sacred. They are gifts from our Heavenly Father and we should do our best to take care of them.

Sometimes our bodies can be overwhelming. They have desires, emotions, hormones, and germs. They can get sick, break down, and wear out. This isn't because Heavenly Father made a mistake and it doesn't make our bodies are any less sacred. We live in an imperfect world and our bodies can be quite fragile sometimes. Heavenly Father allows things to happen to our bodies because it gives us an opportunity to learn and grow from new experiences.

My older brother was born with a congenital heart defect. He was able to undergo a new (at the time) surgery and his mortal life was saved. He is mentally handicapped and lives with, among other health problems, a heart condition. He's had several more surgeries throughout his life, most recently in 2001. We know his heart isn't going to last forever and my parents will most likely outlive him. It might be easy to ask why. Why was he born with this heart defect? Why does he have to suffer? Why couldn't he be blessed with a "normal" life? It might be easy to blame God for giving him, along with the rest of our family, these challenges but I believe my brother was sent to my family the way he was for a reason. Without him my family dynamic would be entirely different than it is. I don't think I'd be as compassionate without him. I wouldn't have learned some important life lessons without him. I love my brother and know, despite his challenges, he is a beloved son of our Heavenly Father. God doesn't love him any less just because he has a disability. I also believe that someday when he is resurrected his body will be made perfect and his spirit will no longer be restricted by an imperfect body.

One of the reasons we were given a physical body in this life is so we can participate in ordinances of the gospel. Without physical bodies we would not be able to repent and be baptized for remission of our sins; we wouldn't be able to participate in the washing and anointing ordinances; we wouldn't be able to receive our full temple endowment; we wouldn't be able to be sealed for eternity to those we love. Without these ordinances, which can only be done with physical bodies in holy temples, we wouldn't be able to return to our Heavenly Parents.

When my husband and I got married we didn't want "'til death do you part." We want to have one another forever. We knew the only way to get "for time and all eternity" was to live worthily and have our marriage sealed in the temple by one who holds the priesthood. Now as we have children they are born into our sealed marriaged and after we pass from this life, if we live the way Heavenly Father has asked, we can all be together again because of the ordinances and covenants we have made and kept.

My parents, as well as both sets of my grandparents were married in the temple, too, so our family can continue to be together after this life. I find this knowledge comforting because over the last twenty years three of my four grandparents have passed on. If I didn't know I would see them again someday the very idea of losing someone I love would be devastating.

This past October my dad got sick. On November 1, when my mom took him to the ER for the second or third time, he was finally admitted after coughing up blood. He was diagnosed with H1N1 and pneumonia. In my family going to the hospital is a fairly normal occurrence. My brother with the heart problem has been in and out of hospitals numerous times over the years so even with my dad being admitted for coughing up blood we weren't all that concerned. Instead of getting better over the next few days his condition worsened. On November 6, he was diagnosed with ARDS, a potentially lethal condition, and life-flighted from my parent's local hospital to a larger, better equipped hospital in Salt Lake City. It wasn't until then that we realized what a big deal this really was. My family and a few close friends gathered around my dad's bed. Through our masks and gloves we shared a lot of tears and hugs. We shared our love and faith with one another. My dad received a priesthood blessing and prayers were offered on his behalf by people, literally, all over the world. We were all worried because we didn't know if he would be able to pull through. Despite my fear of the unknown and the almost overwhelming sadness I felt at the thought of losing my dad I still had a reassuring sense of peace and comfort. I knew, even if my dad died, I'd see him again someday. He wouldn't be lost to me forever after leaving this world because he and my mom had been sealed for eternity in the temple and I had been born into their eternal family circle. If he died my family would still mourn and express our grief but we would be able to go on and things would still be okay.

My dad's stay in the hospital stretched on for a long time. He spent 40 days in the hospital, 30 of which were in the ICU, and there were several times during his admittance we thought we might lose him. In the end he pulled through and was able to go home before Christmas. He's still in recovery and it's a long process. He'll have scar tissue in his lungs for a very long time. We are so grateful and feel so blessed to still have him with us. Not everyone's story turns out that way. I am blessed with the knowledge of eternal families. I know, if I am faithful to the oaths and covenants I've made to my husband and my Heavenly Father and do my best to follow the teachings of my Savior, I can be with my family for eternity and I can't imagine a group of people I'd rather spend all eternity with. Indeed, the family is of God.